Four-Star Scandal

By: Ryan Prior and Khalil Farahpetraeus

One year ago, GPR’s Kaitlyn Walker introduced the Walker Sex Scandal Rating Scale, a GPR-exclusive method for evaluating the severity of sex scandals. GPR has long believed that the media and American culture sensationalize sex coverage. We also believe that the puritan streak in American culture places undue emphasis on the content of politicians’ private lives. In order to introduce sanity and context into the coverage of sex, we use the scale to quantitatively define a transgression made public. Too often the discussion of sex becomes an ad hominem attack: one’s private life is unlikely to affect his legislative skill or his speech-making ability. Because of the intense pressure, sex scandals escalate in a cascade of lies and cover-ups, which would not be necessary were sex to be discussed more openly and honestly in American public life.

Based on the current evidence that has come to light on the sexual affair that took place between David Petraeus and Paula Broadwell, GPR has decided to apply the Walker Sex Scale so that we may determine his place in history. After applying the criteria of the scale, Petraeus will reside in the annals of history between Barney Frank (1.25) and Anthony Weiner (5). His score of 3.25 was accumulated from the following transgressions:

– .25 for #2: “Using Position to Acquire Sex.” He received a quarter of a point for using his position to acquire sex. He did not receive the full .75 available because, though his position came with considerable influence, he did not use that influence to cover his relationship.

– 1 point for #3: “Sexual Relations With Youth.” He received one point for having relations with a woman twenty years his junior.

– 1 for #4: “Extra-Marital Affairs.” He received a full point because both he and his mistress were both married. These transgressions were awarded a half point each.

– 1 for #7: “Breaking Non-Sex Laws as a Result of Committing a Sexual Act.” The scandal’s importance derives from the security breach of Petraeus’ e-mail.

He did not receive points for the following areas:

Other categories which were close included #6 (Children), #10 (Text or Photographic evidence), and #9 (The Presidential Clause). Though Patraeus has two children, they are of an age which makes any psychological impairment unlikely because of their father’s infidelity. Secondly, The e-mail exchange between Patraeus and Broadwell were not explicit so he did not receive a point for their exposure. Finally, the presidential clause was an issue of some contention since he did had jurisdiction over one of the branches of government intelligence. It was decided, however, that this clause should only apply to the president himself, and should not extend to the head of the intelligence departments.